Our Longing for Identity

Who am I?

What makes me me?

Am I valuable? If so, what is it about me that gives me value?

These are the types of questions we ask early on in our lives and spend virtually the rest of our lives trying to answer. What makes our search for identity so difficult? Are we looking in the wrong places? Where are we looking? Allow me to suggest the four most common places we go to in our hunt for identity: beauty, ingenuity, activity, and prosperity.

Beauty– We all want others to see us as beautiful, so we often go to great lengths to have just the right look, be just the right weight, wear just the right makeup, be dressed in just the right clothes, etc.. But when we do, do we really believe deep down inside that this defines who we are? Probably not. Who we are is so much deeper than our outer looks. So I guess identity is not to be found in beauty.

Ingenuity– We all want others to perceive us as being really smart, so we try to say just the right phrases and quote just the right books, enroll in just the right courses and get in just the right discussions, to appear smart. But when we do, do we really believe deep down inside that our ingenuity defines who we are? Probably not. Who we are is so much deeper than our brains. So I guess identity is not to be found in ingenuity.

Activity– We all want the satisfaction that comes from achievement, so we often go to great lengths to have just the right career, just the right job at just the right company, and go up just the right ladder. Or we go to great lengths to serve God in just the right ministry with just the right fruit. But when we do, do we really believe deep down inside that our activity defines who we are? Probably not. Who we are is so much deeper than what we do. So I guess identity is not to be found in activity.

Prosperity– We all want to show off having just the right house in just the right area of town, with just the right car(s) parked in just the right house garage. We want to have the latest gadgets and send our kids to prestigious schools. But when we do, do we really believe deep down inside that our prosperity defines who we are? Probably not. Who we are is so much deeper than what we own. So I guess identity is not to be found in prosperity.

So if identity is not to be found in beauty, ingenuity, activity, nor prosperity, where is it to be found? This is beginning to sound like an impossible treasure hunt! But you know what the problem is? All of these four places have one thing in common. Can you guess what it is?

They all revolve around me! But wait a minute… aren’t we trying to find out who I am? How can who I am not revolve around me? This is getting really confusing.

Possibly just as confusing as Jesus’ words might seem at first: “Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Lord, will we find it or lose it? Jesus is certainly not asking us to lose our life in the sense of ceasing to exist, but what is He trying to say?

Let’s take a quick look at the context of these verses. These verses come immediately following Jesus telling His disciples very clearly that He will soon be crucified, at which point Peter passionately blurts out something to the effect of, “No way, Lord! I won’t let it happen!” And Jesus rebukes him very sternly and then says these powerful words we are attempting to understand:

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul.” (Matthew 16: 24-26)

These words bear Jesus’ solution to our identity crisis; for attempting to find ourselves on our own will send us off onto the endless egocentric cycles we discussed a few moments ago. The only way to find (or “save” ourselves as Luke writes in his gospel; Luke 9:24) is to follow Christ to the cross.

“Peter, the solution is not to prevent me from going to the cross… it is for this reason that I came. If I don’t go to the cross, Peter, you will never really know me, and you will never really know yourself.”

The only way we can know who we are is if we die with Christ on the cross. But Christ didn’t just die. He rose again. And at the cross He so ontologically unites with us that in dying on our behalf, He invites us to die with Him and rise again with Him. Die to our sinful natures which in essence is our egocentricity, and live our lives “in Christ.”

In Christ lies this amazing paradox of losing myself yet finding it. Losing that which is foreign to my being in the image of God, and finding that which is the essence of my being in the image of God. Losing my egocentrism and finding my matchless uniqueness. For our God does not desire, as CS Lewis brilliantly puts it in The Screwtape Letters to “suck in” as Satan does but rather to “give out;” God “wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct.”

We will never know who we are apart from Christ. We will never see who we are apart from the cross of Christ. We will never achieve who we are apart from the resurrection of Christ. We will never actualize who we are apart from being united with Christ; being “in Christ.”

So rather than wasting our lives trying to find just the right identity in just the right beauty, ingenuity, activity, or prosperity, I’d like to invite you to just the right relationship with just the right person who is the only One capable of giving you just the right escape from your endless egocentric cycles to realize and actualize your matchless identity. Indeed as John Stott succinctly puts it in The Cross of Christ, “We must be true to our true self and false to our false self. We must be fearless in affirming all that we are by creation, redemption and calling, and ruthless in disowning all that we are by the Fall.”

My friends, a self-centered identity changes as often as you change. A God-centered identity is so stable that your value is never affected by whether you look good or bad, are smart or not, fail or succeed, are well-off or not. Failure will not crush you and success will not fill you with pride. For it is not ultimately about you. It is about Him and He never changes. Your intrinsic value stems from His intrinsic value!

Hallelujah, I can know who I am because I know whose I am!